The Irish Tales

Chapter Twelve



Getting Patsy to agree to come to the Show was one thing.
Getting her up at nine in the morning was quite another.

When Jay first knocked on the trapdoor, she was ignored. When she knocked again, a surly voice advised her to "Go away."

When she knocked a third time, a tremendous roar of anger sped from the attic, followed by the head of a very angry-looking Scaremonster.

"WHAT ???" roared Patsy. "Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat ???!!"
Jay blinked rapidly. "It…it…it’s time to go. To the Show ?"

Patsy’s face cleared. "Oh, righto. You ready ? Then we’ll go."
She was like that, Patsy ; all cake mix and cherry slices one minute, then calm as a carrot the next.

Being able to fly is a pretty neat way of getting around quickly, you know. And so it was that, barely seconds after leaving Jay’s house, the pair arrived at Old Man Cooper’s meadow, where the Show was just warming up.

Now, you’d think that the arrival of a Scaremonster would cause a little excitement – and you’d be right.
The hounds, who were parading, loved it, of course. They and Patsy were old friends.

But the ponies took one look at those six, powerful legs and began snorting their disapproval.

The Clerk of the Show didn’t snort, but she pursed her lips in disapproval and began tutting.

(Tutting is an old English custom, by which one can show disapproval without having to say what it is one is disapproving of….does that make sense ? No ? Good. Very little in life does, so better you learn this now.)

So….The Clerk of the Show pointed at Patsy’s legs and said, "SIX..?"
Jay pointed at the rules, which nowhere mentioned anything about legs and said,"SO…?"

And so, reluctantly, The Clerk entered Jay and Patsy into the Obstacle Race and the Jumping class and the Find The Monster class, which was new to them, but sounded just up their street.

The Obstacle Race came first and – to avoid accusations of cheating – Patsy drew up two of her six legs.

Even so, she and Jay won at a canter, because being able to fly gives you a certain advantage when avoiding obstacles, as you may imagine.

There was a muted round of applause for them, partly because the other competitors were sulking and partly because the watching spectators could see it was a lay-down for the flying pair.

In the Jumping Class, Jay insisted that Patsy not only
used four legs only, but also resisted the urge to fly over the jumps.

This she agreed to, somewhat ungraciously and the pair just pipped a bright young thing on a beautiful grey, mostly, it must be said, due to Jay’s judicious use of the whip when Patsy’s sulking threatened to bring down every fence.

And so they came to the Find The Monster class.

Now…I have mentioned before how the presence of a Scaremonster can bring about strange behaviour and events in the immediate neighbourhood ; remember the barking milkman ?

Jay knew that most Pony Shows did NOT include a Find The Monster class and was looking suspiciously at Patsy when the loudspeaker announced this event and all riders were called to order.

This what Jay, the other riders and the crowd heard over the tannoy : " Ladies, gentlemen and Jay. We have been told that somewhere on the course, a monster is hiding. This monster is ugly, smelly and worst of all, IT HATES ABBA ! The first combination of pony and rider to find it, trap it and sing the opening verse of "Dancing Queen" to it, will be declared the winner. On your marks, set….GO !"

Well………………
Can you imagine the grin on Jay’s face ? And Patsy’s ?
Yes ?
Good…hold that grin, because it’s time for sleep.

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