The Irish Tales

Chapter 5


Now. I think it’s time I explained to you the difference between "good" monsters and "bad" monsters.

You must listen carefully, for what I am about to tell you could mean the difference between a good night’s sleep and..well, a not so good night’s sleep.

A "bad" monster is, quite simply, a monster who is terribly ugly and smelly and blames little children for his uglyness and smellyness.

Don’t ask me why this should be, I’m only the story-teller, but it is a fact of life, which you will encounter over and over again as you grow up.

Because of this, they delight in scaring and teasing and frightening any child who isn’t lucky enough to have a Scaremonster watching over them, such as Patsy.

Like all bullies, they are cowards at heart and, if only one but knew it, they can be cowed into submission by a simple growl or snarl or a contemptuous look.

Or even just by whispering, "Fairy cakes".
But when one is young, one does not know this and so there is much sadness and fear in many bedrooms across the country.

"Good" monsters now, are a completely different kettle of fairy cakes.

To be fair, they aren’t monsters at all. They just…look different to us and seem scary at first. And they might smell a little, but then, so do piglets and they are very cuddly indeed.
Although your mother may get into an egg if you try and cuddle one in bed.

The thing is though, fledgling monsters (like fledgling humans) are very naughty and mischievous and if not brought to heel at a young age, can go off the rails a bit.

Like Impy nearly did, until Patsy sniffed him out in Jay’s sock drawer.
(Which, for those of you who know Jay’s sock drawer, is no mean achievement.)

Anyhoo, now you know why Patsy and The King of the Forest of Green are such old friends.

And why, from that night onwards, Jay spent many happy hours playing in the Forest with Impy and other fledglings and ate many plates of jam roly poly and custard, which is the only food The Green Monsters eat.

What you do not know, however, is the tale of The Fox Who Stood and Fought, The Hound Who Wouldn’t Sing and The Day Patsy and Jay Won Best in Show at the local gymkhana.
And nor will you, until we both get a good night’s sleep.

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