The Irish Tales

Ad Hoc meeting : March 10th


Present : The Months, The Yearling, the Chief Chronodog.


Absent : The Calendarist, March.


Chairman : The Eldest Month


I was the last to arrive and I was in no mood to be trifled with by anybody.
Which is why I walked straight up to The Yearling and punched him in the face as hard as I could.
He went down like a whore at a stag night and took no further part in the meeting.

Then I turned to the assembled Months, who were horrified - all except Nov, who grinned openly.
"Sit... down," I ordered and they did, although the Chief Dog seemed disposed to argue.
I glared at him and he dropped his eyes.

In the absence of the Calendarist, the eldest Month was in command and that was me. I know what you're going to say. Surely January was the oldest Month ?

Nope. Ever since the birth of the Nazarine and the beginning of Anno Domini, December has been the Elder, the Senior, the poor sod who has to take responsibility for the Year, in the absence of the Calendarist.
And absent he most certainly was.

Nothing had been heard or seen of him since that night he had left the Residence in a state of high distress. The Chronos were confused, bewildered, scared, worried and much more besides.

And then there was Tuesday. As if I didn't have enough on my plate, I now had her to consider.

You see, I had indeed lied to her last night, thrice; two were lies of omission, the other a lie of commission.
I knew perfectly well who Friday's father was and I also knew how and why he was made a Day of The Week.

I then compounded these errors by taking her to my bed and lying with her, again, so to speak.

When I left her to covene this meeting, she was sound asleep and snoring gently.
A pleasant, feminine snoring, not the bestial grunting of a man. It pleased me strangely and I ruminated on this as I made my way to the meeting.

Even I, a creation of Time, was not entirely immune to mortal feelings and I sensed an instinct to protect her that almost overwhelmed me, until I got a grip.

I am, by nature and inclination, an indolent creature, fond of my creature comforts, slow to anger and reasonably tolerant of others. I had no desire to be a "Leader", whatever that means, and certainly no wish to become emotionally entangled with anyone; least of all with anyone of the opposite sex.

And yet here I was, smiling like a foolish youth at the memory of her sweet lips and about to command the Chronologists to follow my orders.
It was confusing and troubling, which explains why I marched in to the meeting in such a pugnacious mood and dealt so summarily with the idiot Yearling.

And then I dealt with the assembled dignitaries equally harshly.

"You," I snarled, pointing at the Chief Chronodog. He jumped, never having been addressed in so peremptory a fashion before.
"Close off all exits from the Residence and instruct the Guardian to allow nobody entrance from the Outside."
He swallowed hard and jumped to his feet. "Yes sir !" he shouted and stumbled out of the room.
I looked coldly around the shocked faces and pointed at January.

"You. Go and find out what exactly is wrong with March." When he merely sat there and blinked, I added curtly, "And do it now."

In a kind of trance, he rose and headed for the door, pausing only once to glance curiously at me for a moment, before shaking his head slightly as if somewhat bemused.

You're not the only one, chum, I thought, a little feverishly.


I sat down abruptly and stared at April. Eliot had called him "the cruellest month" and not without reason. Now he met my glance steadily, with a faint grin, a twist of the lips, which told me all I needed to know.

He was very brave, extremely brave; but it was a bravery, a courage, which came from a simple lack of any feeling or emotion.
He just didn't care; about anyone or anything. Least of all himself.
He was the perfect choice for the task I had in mind.

"And what do you have in mind...sir ?" he asked softly, having read my look correctly.
I held his gaze.
"I wish you to go swimming, April. In The Pond. And I wish you to find the leak. Then plug it."




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